Simply being the mother of a breastfeeding infant is overwhelming.
Your day to day list of things to do is already long. Feed the baby 10 times, change 10 diapers, eat 3 meals + 3 snacks, pay bills, buy groceries, cook them, clean the floors, wash the clothes, put them away, get the car fixed, and more! It's a monster! Then when you go back to working and subtract 8 or 10 hours from each day, you either surrender or go crazy. Something has to give.
The first thing to go should be zealous perfectionism.
Perfectionism is not a bad thing. The pursuit of the highest, finest verison of anything has led to many of the wonders around us. It's fine to strive for an A in college. It's wonderful to lead your team to be the best in your company. Bringing your home from Foreclosure Fixer-Upper to Architectural Digest is a worthy accomplishment.
Don’t compare your “insides” to someone else’s “outsides”.
When you scroll Instagram, Pinterest and Facebook, you may think everyone lives in super-clean houses with perfectly cooked and presented dinners and wonder why your family is having pizza on paper plates for the third time this week.
It takes a lot of time, energy and domestic help for a family to live in a showcase style. When you work full-time and have a baby, your free time and energy are fully engaged in two important projects.
Now that you are working, maybe you can hire domestic help. If deep in your soul, you need to live a showcase lifestyle, it’s possible. Unlike happy children, showcase lifestyles can be bought.
What probably bothers you the most is the chaos.
The opposite of perfection is chaos and babies are the epitome of chaos: wet, messy, ever changing, rapidly expanding and unpredictable. And in that chaos, what makes you love them most is their potential! That smile! Those two, tiny budding teeth! The discovery of their hands! The rolling! The pushing up, reaching, stretching, pulling, crawling, talking and walking potential!
If you redefine motherhood as pure potential instead of perfection, you will be happier.
Your baby's going to be a Rockstar, or an Olympian, or Something!
Your baby is pure potential right now, and that is why you have to let go of perfectionism and learn to appreciate chaos. Because perfection has no potential. It's dead, and without inputting tremendous energy to preserve it, your perfect thing starts to decay...into chaos…back into something that is pure potential.
Don't make choices you will later regret.
What babies need most is your love and your undivided attention. Your baby will grow. And in the future, you will find you have time and energy to reclaim the parts of yourself you are missing and mourning right now.
Nobody ever looks back and says, "I wish I had spent less time cuddling and nursing my baby."
In fact, it’s usually the opposite. Most moms say they wish they had spent more time responding to their baby's biological need for one-on-one attention. In hindsight, you realize how short a time babies are babies. It's really just a few months of intensity before you get organized and prioritize how you want to mother.
I encourage you to sit with the intense feelings about your current life.
Turn off your TV. Put down your phone. They take too much time.
Feel the tightness in your body and the negative feelings about to burst through your heart. Gently breathe and place a hand on where it hurts. Tend to yourself the way you would tend a small child and soothe yourself. Breathe some energy into your heart, your stomach, your shoulders, your head--wherever the intensity is--take a few minutes to acknowledge how much you are responsible for and how well you are doing, even if it doesn't feel like you are.
Moving forward, get rid of things that waste your time. Put your earnings into savings instead of shopping for more clutter.
Streamline your chores by organizing them better.
Think about this:
Rush right home after work, put some pizza on a paper plate and breastfeed your baby. Look at your baby’s beauty and potential. Please, ignore the crumbs on your floor. They will still be there on Saturday when you have an extra hour to clean.