You wouldn't wish your child on your worst enemy, or maybe you would.
He is the "centerpiece" at family functions and usually not in a good way.
Nobody gets enough sleep. Transitions are a battle of wills. Your child argues and/or melts down regularly. She just pushes your buttons. You are constantly putting out fires. Mealtimes are a minefield. Your child probably has strong likes and dislikes, about food, clothing and situations.
Being a mother is the hardest thing you have ever done.
If your sweet child is now an adolescent, you may have found yourself captain of a mutinous crew, wallowing in a sea of doubt. Or, you may have a teen making some bad choices leaving you with hard choices or "Tough Love."
Nothing in your experience has prepared you for this. You've lost your confidence. Balancing their needs, your needs and your sanity seems impossible.
You are so tired of other mothers bragging.
Their children SLEEP. Their children LOVE school. Their children have lots of friends, hit homeruns, make the honor roll, and bla-bla-bla. They make it seem so easy with their rules, protocols and schedules. How are they so pulled together?
You don't have any peers, role models or basis for comparison which leaves you feeling sad, doubt-filled, alone, punished, lost, ashamed, and most of all, exhausted. You swallow embarrassments and don't talk much how much of a failure you feel.
While you receive plenty of advice, none of it seems to help.
You google diagnoses and read parenting articles. You may be in parenting forums or have taken "compassionate" or "logic"based parenting classes without finding your tribe.
People tell you that you are spoiling your child, setting him up for failure in the real world.
They tell you you to punishe or spank your child to show her who's boss.
You've been through the medical model and while some things are better, you are still left with many unanswered questions.
You've tried being kind and patient. You've tried consequences and logic. You've set up rewards and behavior charts. In your worst moments, you resort to yelling, shaming and punishment, which you admit, only makes things worse.
The problem is that we are living in different times.
Communities are different. Families are different. Children are different than when you were a kid. But your baby's or child's fundamental needs as a human have not changed, and it's harder to meet those needs because of our fast paced lives, technology, lack of knowledge and other modern stresses.
What you really need to do is understand and fill your child's needs.
Raising a child is kind of like playing a video game.
You have a mission. You have a car. You have obstacles that keep popping up in front of you. If you fail, you have to start the mission at the beginning and try to get through the same puzzle again, and again, until you figure out the one way through.
Your mission is to uncover
- Why your child is acting the way he is - what he 'needs'
- How to use the resources you already have
- Where to find other resources for help
- How your family can be a source of pleasure and nourishment instead of a drain.
What you need is someone who can explain the game.
Someone who can give you a little perspective and information on the particular game you are trapped in. Someone who can empathize, hand you a towel, boost you a level, and get you back in the game.
I've been in your position. I have three kids who, with much love and effort on all of our parts, made it into adulthood. Thanks to them, I enjoy an incredible wealth of experiences. In addition, I've been working with parents for nearly two decades as a lactation consultant, and as a coach, formally and informally through my social circles and clients.
For two decades, I have helped thousands of parents navigate not just breastfeeding but lack of sleep, disruptive behavior, partners, grandparents, school, loss of a child, domestic violence, and so much more.
How does it work?
I work with clients one-on-one to set goals and address problems that come with having a high need child in the family. Large goals are divided into workable chunks with stategies and acocuntability.
Is there a commitment?
It starts with a free 30 minute assessment. If we agree to work together, then there is a commitment of 5 one-hour sessions.
- Immediate understanding of why your child is acting out
- Easy strategies to reduce upset and misunderstandings in your family
- Simple ways to put more structure into your life
- Learning resources for anger management and stress reduction
- Goal setting and accountability so you achieve what you want
You don't have to feel this way about your high-need child, at least not all the time. Whether you have a baby or a teen, you can feel happy and confident. You can feel sure of your parenting choices and lifestyle.
If you already resonate with what I am saying, you can schedule a free 30 minute assessment to ask questions and learn more: call or text me at (845) 750-4402
Or you can ask me a question via email and I will get back to you within 24 hours.
If you’re new here, you may be wondering, "Is this for me?"